


Novice

by clgfanfic



Category: War of the Worlds (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-20
Updated: 2013-02-20
Packaged: 2017-11-29 23:22:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/692701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clgfanfic/pseuds/clgfanfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eavesdropping can be dangerous...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Novice

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published in the zine Green Floating Weirdness #8 under the pen name L.A. Spirit.
> 
> Story made with the following ingredients: one long day at Disneyland, one interesting canoe ride, four rabid WOW fans, and one late-night hour, waiting for Fantasmic to start…

_"It's not a baseball bat, you know."_

 

          "Okay, get a firm grip on this."

          "How?"

          "One hand here at the base, and the other hand up here on the shaft."

          "Like this?"

          "Almost."

          "Like that?"

          "Not so tight.  It's not a baseball bat, you know."

          "Better?"

          "Close enough…"

          "Now what?"

          "A smooth downward motion… good…  Now, just keep doing it like that."

          "How's that?"

          "Not too bad.  Just stroke like this…  Down… down… down… down.  There.  Blackwood, you've got _no_ sense of rhythm."

          "Maybe if I had some music…  You could hum."

          "What would you suggest, Doctor?  Come on, Blackwood, pick up the rhythm, do what I do."

          "I'm trying."

          "No, Doctor, don't look away.  It only works when we have the _same_ rhythm."

          "I'm trying, but it's hard to see."

          "Do you have to stick out your tongue like that?  Ah!  Damn it, you're getting me wet!  Don't hold it level!"

          "Did they teach you this at West Point?"

          "No, Special Forces advanced training course.  I would've thought you'd had some exposure in college."

          "I didn't have a lot of time for extracurricular activities.  I did try reading up on it, though."

          "Do you always consult books when you try something new?"

          "Yeah, the Boy Scout handbook—"

          "Damn it, Blackwood, you're still not doing it right!  Look, just stop, I'll do it myself."

          "But, Colonel, I'm trying.  I want to help, really.  Just show me where to put it."

          "Okay, Blackwood, but this is the _last_ time I put you in front— Damn it, quit squirming, or you'll—"

          "Look, my butt's numb, my legs are cramping, and my foot's falling asleep."

          "Jesus, Debi was never this much trouble!"

          "How long did it take you to teach her?"

          "She picked it up in no time.  She's younger, open to new experiences.  She's also a natural."

          "What did Suzanne think?"

"She thought it was a good idea that Debi learn…  Stroke, Blackwood, stroke.  No, don't shake it…  That's better."

          "You're still my hero, Colonel, and when I grow up… I want to do it just like you do."

          "You're just weird, Blackwood.  Stop talking.  Harder.  Harder.  Faster, faster – we don't have all day, you know.  It's a good thing no one can see us.  I thought you were in better shape than this."

          "I'm in fine shape!"

          "Tighten that grip, Doctor.  Do I have to do everything for you?  I didn't even had this much trouble with Omega Squad."

          "All of them?"

          "No, one at a time."

          "But they're all highly trained professionals!"

          "Ouch!  Damn it, Blackwood, you're a danger to yourself and everyone else around!"

          "That's part of my charm.  Maybe I should get Debi to show me."

          "Leave her out of this, Blackwood.  I wouldn't put her through this, not with you.  Now, where were we?"

          "Stroking.  You were giving me a second chance.  Damn, this is hot work."

          "I never dreamed I'd be here, doing this with you.  I never thought you'd be interested in this kind of thing."

          "Does that mean this is a one shot deal?"

          "Come again?"

          "I hope so."

          "That's going to depend on your performance, mister.  If you'd quit trying to get comfortable, we could get this over with."

          "I thought this was supposed to be relaxing.  Fun!  I want to have fun, now."

          "You're impossible, Blackwood!  I should have known better!  This takes a steady hand, coordination— Stop it!  Blackwood!  I said stop!  We don't have room for that in a canoe!"

          "Where's your sense of adventure, Colonel?  We'll improvise!"

          "Blackwood!"

          _Splash!_


End file.
